Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
