It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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