i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
