i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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