I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
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