You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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