DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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