I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
PANTIES FOUND
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
