HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
