So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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