dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
