Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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