just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
