have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
