your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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