I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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