Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
