He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
