I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
