Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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