were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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