Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
