she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
