so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
