i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
