I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
