quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
