True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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