The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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