I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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