wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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