Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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