I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
