1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
