you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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