My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
