It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
