he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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