Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
