Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
