Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
