New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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