I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
P.S. I can't hear my feet
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
