We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
