My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
