Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
