yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
