She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
