All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
