you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
im holly from the hills drunk
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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