I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
