dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
