How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
