Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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